hypocritical me

my friend abby asks, "don't you just have days when every boy you see is cute?"
"no," i reply in a tone that i would never be one of those boy crazy girls--not that she is.
"well today i am having one of those days," she sighs.
a few days later, walking across campus on my way to my tiny apartment, i notice, in horror and with a laugh, i do have those days. every boy--tall or short, blond or brunette--is cute. it passes.

after a nice walk with my best friend debbie, i walk into my apartment and find my roommate and her boyfriend lying on the couch together. now i am not a fan of public displays of affection. holding hands, fine. hugging, fine. even quick kisses, fine. but groping, not so fine. tongues down throats, again, not so fine. those things should be done without an audience. now, granted, my roommate and her boyfriend were in our apartment, but when i entered and they began talking to me, i feel it became a semi-public place. they invited me to sit and watch television with them, and feeling like i tend to turn down my roommate's invites quite often, i agree. but as they both continued to converse with me, my roommate's boyfriend continued to rub her breast. i was not in the room for even ten minutes. couldn't the rubbing refrain for a little longer? now i--debbie assures me i am no prude--feel awkward and, frankly, disturbed. i tell them i have to read and quickly exit the room. who does that? who feels up their girlfriend with others in the room? who lets their boyfriend feel them up with their roommate in the room?

sometimes i feel like i want a significant other. which is odd because most times i don't think i ever want to get married. but then there are times when i am with debbie and thomas, my favorite married couple, or i listen to mates of state, and i think, maybe i do want that. maybe i do want to fall in love and commit a lifetime to a person. and i start to think that for the first time in my life i am happy with myself, and i love my life and the people in it. so, maybe i have grown up enough to be in a mature and healthy relationship. and i think, i have spent the last twenty-one years of my life trying to figure out who i am just so when that person does come into my life i will be able to tell him. sigh. but then, once again, it passes. maybe one day i will really, truly want someone to be spend the rest of my life with. but i know one thing for sure: you will never hear me sing bah bah, which is, in fact, the sound of settling (death cab for cutie).