frequently asked questions

question: how are you doing?
answer: my usual response is "i am well, thank you." i answer this way whether i am well or not, because i am usually answering this question in response to a person walking quickly past me. and it annoys the shit out of me. you don't really want to know how i am. if you did, you would slow down, maybe even stop (whoa, that's an idea), and wait for a response. what if today was the day my sky was falling? what if today was the day death was knocking at my door? okay, i am being a little over dramatic, but seriously, how would you know if you didn't even stop? and the thing is, i don't usually want to stop either, but i don't ask how you are. if i do, it is because i want to know. if i do, i will stop and wait for your response. otherwise, "hello," "good morning," and "good to see you" are perfectly friendly greetings without any further commitment. you can keep on walking.

question: is your hair natural?
answer: yes, my curly, red (don't say orange) hair is natural. it has been this way since birth. people usually follow up with "do you like your hair?" well, some days no and some days yes, but normally, i don't think about it one way or the other. for the record, i don't have as much fun; i am stubborn as hell; and i feel 20% more pain.

question: if you could have one super power, what would it be?
answer: you would be surprised if you knew how many times i have been asked this question. i think it is due to those stupid survey emails people send around. so, to all who want to know, i will tell you now, so don't send those surveys anymore. if i could have one super power, it would be to fly. "why?" you wonder. well, i could be incredibly deep and tell you that the reason i want to fly is to escape the hardships i have been subject to since in my mother's cocaine enriched womb. i could tell you that. it would be a lie, but i could tell you. in reality, there is no deep reason why i would like to fly. i think it would just be freakin' cool.

question: why are you a vegetarian?
answer: well thank you for asking, (your name here). after some reading, viewing, and (surprise, surprise) thinking, i feel it is unethical to mass produce and consume animals. not even getting into animal rights, the mass production of animals leads to pollution and it includes feeding food to animals that could feed every starving person on this earth. in addition, there is an extremely high percentage of meat produced and consumed within the united states that contain "extra" chemicals and drugs, which could lead to cancer and other diseases. people always assume that because i don't eat meat must mean i just don't like it. but i do like it, i just choose not to eat it for prior reasons. if nothing else, know what you are eating--where is it from? who approved it? how was it grown or raised? your answers might be surprising.

question: what are you going to do with an english degree?
answer: hang it on the wall. but ask nicely and i will tell you where to shove your degree.