appreciation and unappreciated

this past week i have felt so unappreciated, so unloved. i am not sure why. that's a lie. i have an idea why. but then i remember that the reason is because i am selfish and need lots of attention. and for obvious reasons, i try not to think of myself in such a shadow. so i say, "i am not sure why i feel so unappreciated, so unloved." but now we all know, i do.

the funny thing (funny weird, not funny haha) is that i have never appreciated my friends more than i have this past week. my eyes were open and i realized how much crap i have put my closest friends through. i mean i actually rubbed their nose in this crap for years. and they, these incredible people, are still my friends. they love me regardless. and i will never be able to express my appreciation to these amazing people. let me refrain, amazingly stubborn people. they wouldn't give up on me. they refused to give up on me. even long after i had given up on myself.

and so now, right now, as i listen to one of many cds sent to me from nebraska, recall a conversation in which the purpose was to say i love you and that she had received patience, and another conversation in which it was made clear i was neither a bother nor unloved because she in fact loves me, i realize i am loved. and i appreciate those who clear things up for me when my head gets loud and my eyes get blurry.