destiny

destiny: the seemingly inevitable succession of events; (one's) fate
fate: (1) the power supposed to determine the outcome of events, destiny; (2) one's lot or fortune; (3) final outcome; (4) death, destruction

before thursday i had no idea how strongly i felt on the subject of destiny. it was just one of those things that i just assumed everyone felt the same way as i did--that being, i totally, completely believe in destiny. and i really had never talked to anyone about it. well, that was until thursday when my roommate and i got into this big discussion of the matter. what irked me the most is that she acted like i was naive or stupid or something for believing in destiny. i may be a little naive, but i am not stupid. and i may be something, but i am not stupid. i just believe with everything i am that what is going to happen is meant to happen, that God knows this outcome, knows my next move. this in no way means i don't believe in free will. i do believe in free will. i just believe God knows the choices i will make before i make them, but they are still my choices.

but besides being annoyed at my roommate's condescending tone, i realized something pretty incredible happened while arguing my belief in destiny: i had to admit to myself that i believe in God. for so many months i haven't been able to talk to God, let alone acknowledge His existence. i have been so angry, so bitter, so stubborn. but after one little argument, i talked to Him. not a lot, but i still talked and i tried to listen. i guess that is a start. actually, i know that is a start.

one last note on destiny: my all time favorite idea in literature and film is when the hero or heroine hears his or her destiny and by trying to avoid the foreseen outcome, they create that very fate. so interesting.