tears

well, i am crying. it hasn't happened in weeks. i wouldn't let it happen for weeks. but now, well now, i cannot stop the tears from flowing. maybe i am just tired. maybe i am just frustrated. maybe it's because i feel like a failure. maybe it's because i lack hope. or maybe it is because i am sad. and i am finally letting myself feel it.

tonight i rocked lucy to sleep as she bawled. i held her close and repeated over and over and over, "it's alright. it's alright. it's alright. it's alright." and she stopped crying, closed her eyes and fell asleep. and as tears began to flow down my own cheeks, all i wanted was someone to whisper over and over and over in my ear, "it's alright. it's alright. it's alright. it's alright," until i fell asleep. but no one did.