i hate that

i hate that i am having a hard time believing people this week.
i hate that i am feeling lost and lonely.
i hate that i am afraid that i am never enough...never good enough.
i hate that when i listen to your words or read your words--everyone's words--i only hear the voice in my head telling me to remember how great you lie--how great you all lie.
i hate that i want to punish myself.
i hate that i feel guilty.
i hate that i am sitting in front of this screen with tears rolling down my face.
i hate that my hands and feet are cold.
i hate that i just want to run away.
i hate that i know running away won't solve a thing.
i hate that i am high-maintenance, difficult, a challenge.
i hate that i don't want to be me.
i hate that i hate me.