abby

on saturday i watched one of the best friends i have ever had cross the stage of the tcu coliseum and accept her diploma. for the past three weeks, especially, i have tried to spend as much time with her as possible. i have tried to fill myself with abby laughs, abby hugs, abby smiles, abby looks, abby quirks, and abby thoughts in order to carry me through the ten months that will be void of abby. and it has finally arrived. abby is in nebraska. i am in texas.

i didn't think i could cry anymore. i cried almost every day for two weeks up to abby's departure from texas...and me. but as i dropped her off at her house for the very last time saturday night, i started to cry again...bawl, really. i just let it go. she was leaving, and i didn't want her to go. i thought, okay, no more tears. this is starting to be ridiculous. but as i said goodbye to her early sunday morning as she climbed into her family's packed minivan, i started to cry again. and i cried the entire walk home. and i cried standing in my apartment all alone. abby is gone.

i know, we will still talk--on the phone, by email, by post card, and in person one day. but it isn't the same. i finally felt like i could trust this person, this friend, completely, which is very hard for me to do. i told her things i have never told anyone. we have been through so much--good and bad. and...and i am just not so good with change. i am not good with different.

with whom will i be weird? with whom will i be a snob? with whom will i visit the modern art museum? with whom will i attend concerts? with whom will i go grocery shopping at central market? who will nag me to try new fruits and vegetables? who will be my mooch? who in my life will dance and sing and say silly things? who in my life will hug trees just because?

i miss abby. i miss abby a lot.