it's alright

death cab for cutie sings, "i need you so much closer."

this morning--well, afternoon--when i was getting out of the shower, i noticed my towel smelled differently. it didn't smell like me. it smelled like someone else. like someone else had used my towel. my pink towel smelled like someone else's shampoo and conditioner. like someone else's body wash and face soap. i breathed in my towel. and i wished i smelled like that. not me.

"can you tell me why you have been so sad?" they sing.

i should be a lot more tired than i am right now. i didn't go to bed until five this morning. and then i had trouble sleeping in. i just haven't wanted to sleep, which is really unlike me. i usually don't pass up an opportunity to sleep. maybe i just rather be hanging out with people. talking to people. because they are leaving. and then i'm leaving. and so sleep sounds ridiculous. and school work sounds like a missed opportunity.

it's okay that i am not nice. i'd rather be honest. i'd rather be interesting. i'd rather surprise you. it's okay that i am not good. i'd rather be me. i'd rather be entertaining. i'd rather surprise you.

i don't want to be alone for the rest of my life either. i just try not to admit it. to think about it.

fuck.

ted leo and the pharmacists sing "it's alright" for over two minutes straight. and i start to believe him.