maybe it's because i'm tired

i want to be in lincoln, nebraska tonight. i want to dance around to really loud music (gently because of abby's gimpy leg, but dance none the less). i want to tell her about all the little things i file in my head under "tell only abby." i want to give abby a hug. i want to talk about new york city and nyu. i want to read my newest short story to her. i want to laugh about nothing and everything. i want her to make me some famous abby concoction to eat. and maybe it will make my tummy feel better. and i promise, abby. i promise i will try anything you make.

i want to care that i have my last spanish oral exam tomorrow morning. but because it is my last ever, i don't care. i won't care whether i get a good grade or not. i just want it to be over.

i want to know why people want to talk to and spend time with certain people. i want to remember that i am pretty damn cool. and that i have friends. and i have people who like to talk to me and spend time with me. and screw you, if you are not one of them. and i want to apologize for saying "screw you." but i won't.

i want you to stop reading this now. i want to start a blog that no one i know reads, so i can be completely honest without being mean, or rude, or selfish, or a bitch, or myself.

i want to go to sleep. to dream under my comforter that everything i want comes true. maybe it's because i'm tired, but i want a lot. and yet, it doesn't seem too much to ask for.