listen to me

cursive is on my stereo. really loud.
fuck.
can i go a day without crying this week?
fuck.
i shouldn't talk to friends in nebraska. i just miss her more.
fuck.
i want attention. i want someone to care.
fuck. shit.
i think i'm going to throw up.
fuck. damn.
listen to me.
i am sad.
i am lonely.
fuck.
i want it to be about me.
shit.
i almost ran away yesterday. twice.
i regret my decision to stay.
fuck.
tim sings, "who am i if i'm alone? i hardly exist at all."
he says, "we'll live happily ever after."
i disagree.
fuck.
my hands are shaking. my eyes are burning. my head is pounding.
fuck.
i don't even want to dream. not tonight. not tomorrow.
i want to hide.
to disappear.
to fall.
shut the fuck up.
it's my turn.