voiceless

on the drive to houston, i saw a billboard that read: organ donors are better livers. i think the pun is intended...and quite disturbing.

it was the only reason i came back. i even left a few hours earlier than i had originally planned.

i am a selfish person. and i am so fucking sick of it. but is it even possible for a human to be fully selfless? is it possible to escape our selfish tendencies? i feel even my desire to be alive is rooted in selfishness. who am i to think i actually deserve or am worthy or have a grand purpose in being alive?

i am relieved no one took me up on my bet (see june 5th entry). i would owe someone one million dollars.

i need to stop watching soap operas. but it is so hard. where else would you hear someone say, "you are the one who lured him here with your stupid amnesia"? seriously, they really said that.

pre-talking to sarah: day was a day; borderline negative attitude; a shade lighter than pitiful. post-talking to sarah: smiling; sighs from being understood; looking forward to talking to her tomorrow.

give me an "o."

i wonder if somewhere amongst the heavens there is a large glass bowl filled with all the wishes i have ever made. the birthday wishes entangled in candle smoke. the shooting star wishes glowing with silver tails. the futile wishes painted in vanity and dripped in jewels. the panicked wishes shaking with rapid heart beats and sweaty palms. the voiceless wishes silently begging, pleading and ashamed.