la la la

when i have so much work to do, why is it so easy not to care? maybe because i secretly wish sarah's wish would come true. my parents would kill me. they'd kill me.

i read "the yellow wallpaper" by charlotte perkins gilman today for the second time. i hate reading it, because i know what it feels like. i know what it feels like to lie in bed and know something is desperately wrong. to lie in bed and experience a world that scares me shitless. to pretend there is nothing wrong and to be told that nothing is wrong and to scream inside and write short, choppy paragraphs trying to escape what i can't control. but what controls me.

macroeconomics test tomorrow. do you see me? do you see me not giving a damn?

happy birthday, mom-mommy.

yeah, so i want to read the sixth harry potter book again. but i have promised to lend it to debbie. probably for the best.

for someone with no regrets, i sure play the "what if" game a lot.

how many more days before sarah comes back? too many if it's not today. and it's not.