what if

What if I have to choose? God, I sound like my parents, “what if, what if, what if.” For a girl who likes to be in control, I sure don’t like making a decision. For a girl who doesn’t like change, I sure don’t like commitment.

some days

Some days are like gynecological appointments: dreaded but necessary. Some days are stepping out of a bathtub: relaxed, refreshed. And some are secrets to a best friend: cherished despite the faults. And then some days, like today, are like the moment Sleeping Beauty awakes: foggy uncertainty followed by happily ever after.

Hip-Hop and Post-its

You never imagined your high school teachers in the girls' gym after school working out to Hip-Hop Abs, but there we were singing along to "Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me" and doing moves called "the freak" and hooping and hollering when the men on the screen lifted their shirts to reveal their own hip-hopped abs.

I have post-it notes covering my desk, and they remind me of the apartment of post-it notes of long ago. But these are different. These have notes in bright colored marker that say things like "Ms. Hicks rocks" and "Ms. Hicks is da H.B.I.C." and "Yvonne loves Ms. Hicks" and "Ms. Hicks is a G" and "Markita is Ms. Hicks's favorite student" and "Ms. Hicks likes me more 'cause I'm the BEAST" and so on. And so I like these post-it notes better, and I think I will cherish this memory more.

I am starting to realize any new experience is worth the initial fear.